Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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