had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize