I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
