Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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