Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize