My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
