i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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