the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
