I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
