you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
