She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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