That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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