Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
