Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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