I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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