and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
