Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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