When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
