Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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