Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
