dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
