After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize