accomplished twins. life is a go
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
