If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
