Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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