This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
