i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
