im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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