You're so nebulous sometimes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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