Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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