My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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