he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
