Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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