Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's the barista slut.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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