You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
