i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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