I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
