dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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