Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
