Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
