i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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