i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
