i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize