i would punch a child for taco bell
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
