I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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