taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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