Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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