On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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