are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
