who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
