So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
