I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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