The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize