this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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