Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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