He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
