Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
