This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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