if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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