i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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