I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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