I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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