batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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