I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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