What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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