Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
