I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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