Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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