I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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