glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
