nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
