Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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