rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
