I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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