Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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