I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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