so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
