Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Panties = found
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
