Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
